My innermost soul

crushed up like a ball of foil
Sometimes, I just need to scream. !!!!!!.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: "Tears from the Pants" - Antithetico

Sometimes
Sometimes, everything in your life if just so indescribably perfect... I can't beleive summer is over, and I can't have anymore days like the day I had today. Today. Its like, every once in a while, you feel everything is just for you. Even yesterday was so amazingly incredible, I couldnt have imagined a better day, for me, i mean. I am just so blessed to have the people in my life that I do. And to just, be who I am. The day before that day was so special. I love everything about this place, and everyone here. I can't believe summer is over.

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Starry Days - "Midnight"

End of the Year
Its like 3 and I cant fall asleep so I thought I would update this stale old journal. I gotta say, its been one heck of a year. I loved, I lost, I learned so much (about my self, other people...oh and of course my classes lol!!) but I think what I am gonna take most from my freshman year is that you gotta live like your gonna die in 4 seconds. Cuz you could! like right now I am fucking making the most of my life that I can, cuz it could end in less than 5 seconds. I just dont know how long I will live. In fact I am rather surprised I lived to type the sentances I have so far.
Also, Haverford is probably the worst school ever. Everyone here is a total dick nut and they are so dumb. These nerds need to learn how to fuckin not suck butt man. I cant wait to get back to the old 92037 with my standard bros. This shit sucks. The east coast is fuckking asstastic.
On a side note, I AM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, oh man, its rediculous.
I have to find a job. Maybe ill work at the post office, thats what my dad suggested. Actually, mqybe I oculd get a job like managing a resturant, im pretty assertive.
I dunno. I gotta go, my room mate is being a fuckin sissy ass piece of shit and wants to go to bed or something. Havent told him that I stole the majority of his socks. wat an idiot.

I hate my roommate
Alright, so last night was this huge party at bryn mawr and it was SO COOL, oh my god it definitly didnt TOTALLY SUCK ASS. The thing was I was hangin out with these two broads and my roommate was like "Ug, I am so drunk im gonna mack on your girls" i was pissed cuz he puked all over them. it was nasty. but like, that was just last night. here, let me telly ou all the reasons my roommate Ian sucks.

1) when he sleeps he snores
2) when he sleeps he talks about stuff, loudly
3) when he sleeps he sleepwalks over to my bed and spits in my mouth
4) He is such a douche
5) He is a nerd, all he does is be on his computer playing video games
6) He masturbates ALL THE TIME... IN THE ROOM... WHILE I AM THERE
7) he gets so drunk every night, never does anywork and will never let me do work
8) He steals all my money, drugs, beer, porn, guns and rare precious gems
9) He is a nerd
10) He keeps trying to be my freind, but I hate him
11) He never wears cloathing
12) He's a jew
13) He's so dumb and such a nerd

Theres probably more i am forgetting, but ug, he sucks. HE also loves peeing everywhere when he is drunk, its so gross. I really wanna move out but haversuck makes that almost impossible. i know it goes against the whole quaker thing, but this guy definitly is definitly not someone I can accept. any way yeah, fuck him and his fucking suck ass way of living with me.

well thats al for now, expect a post soon about the presidential election and how afraid I will be if those commie bastard leftists win.

Current Mood: irate
Current Music: Smiling Loudly - Headless Body

Ug
so, last night. fucking shit. I have never in my life been so high. So there I am at apartment 18, fucking tyler is like "dude, hit this shit" there are these two broads there, and what am I gonna do say no? no, im not. So fucking bang, 3 foot bong, cleared, and I am gone. right away I am hacking up a lung. Fucking, i dunno, i drank earlyer and, well, that didnt sit well. so I up and puke right into one of the girl's lap. I cant remember her name but, jesus, like, there is no way i am gonna get to hit that shit anytime soon. The whole night is kinda a blur after that, i think I made some half assed effort to clean her up but she just yelled and her freind was freaking and I dunno everything was moving really slowly.
God damn. I am never drinking and smoking again.

and this was after friday.

Friday, I got totaly trashed, blew off lucyenduh for the night, even though it was sorta a date, and totaly hooked up with some girl i dont even remember what she looks like, went back to her room and everything. heres the weird part though, we get back to her room and she has freaking like a passin of the christ poster, a huge poster of bush and a whole bunch of ayn rand books. Like, almost exactly my room. how weird. You know how in all quiet on the western front they have the soldier questioning how he can do what he is doing, killing another man. He says something like "perhaps had we met at a different time in a different place we would be freinds but here he is my enemy and i must fucking kill him" well it was like that with this girl. like, maybe had we not met drunk and made it all awkward between us, we might have gotten together for something serios. oh the awkward part was me feeling her up after she fell asleep, i didnt know she was asleeo mind you, and her waking up and freaking out. anyway

that was my weekend, how was yours?

Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: (the)man with the plan - the hearty devils

Purpose
Ug, some dumb broad told me to update so I am. Actually, I started that out grumpy when I am actually in a pretty good mood. DOnt get me wrong, Haversuck still blows, but, I dunno, I've met some cool people. anyway, I some reading got me thinking about things. like, i know this might be sorta weird, but, like, what if there is more to this thing we call life than we all think? what if, like, i dunno, we were all put here to create something greater than all of us. Like a machine.
There is a story in the bible where a bunch of Hebrewites get together and make a tower to god, i think its called the Tower Of God. so they build it, right, but God gets pissed and smashes it. he tells them that they arent ready yet and kills them and makes themspeand 100 years alone in the desert.

well, what if we are there? or almost there. How many people wouldnt have to beleive it for to still count though, i dunno just a question. And the thing is, it sorta ties into evolution. Like, what if those people that made the first tower were monkeys, right? so now, it is we men who are ready to reach God?

bah i dunno, mabe that was too much

here, for those still with me, check it out, i totaly met a girl. Well ive met a bunch, but you know what I mean. Her name is lucienda (sp?) any way, I was drunk and talking to her and she was really hot. I dunno where this is going, but i hope somewhere.

aight, peace and ladies and bros

Current Music: To much (Am I there?) - The Trying Firms

College sucks
Ug, so it has really taken me a while to admit this to myself but... Haverford sucks. Like, shit. All I do is sit in my room and get drunk all day (when I am not in class). Like, its the only thing i can do, get drunk and play unreal tournement. All my roommates suck, they are just a bunch of nerds, not a single one I can relate to too, and I do good with nerds. The only cool guy I've met lives across campus, but he stops by to drink with me and vice versa. Thats what is nice about college, booze, lots of it, flowing from everywhere.

Anyway, as of right now, i'm gonna see what you gotta do to transfer or something, i dunno. I might just fucking drop out, you dont need college these days anyway, i could definitly just start selling drugs again. Easy money, easy living.

Anyway, I miss all you guys, reading live journals just makes me miss you more. I hate it here. No partys, no chilling, no aqua teen. Just fucking suck and a lot of it.

Journals suck
Before i start, I should tell you that the link to Bush's record in the last post doesnt work any more cuz national journal decided to suck. anyway, it basically said what we all already know about his presedency and how successffuull it has been.

So, were off to college soon. I cant even beleive it. I guess it is a good chance, most of all, to say bye to the fucking losers here. I wont name names, but, fuck em.

eh i was gonna do more but i felt like i was ripping of jack, but he already ripped me off by making his journal.

fuck all of you, except those I am generaly polite to, i dont wanna not be.

<3

Current Mood: grumpy
Current Music: The Long Ride Up (long ride down) - The Bending

politix
yes, those crazy democrats are having their big partisan party in boston so i thought in that spirit i would show all you, difinitively, why you should vote for george W. here is a non partisan and comprehensive look at his record over that last 3 and a half years. I think after going through it you will see how well he has done and why you should join me in the voting booth and vote for him.

http://nationaljournal.com/members/news/bushrecord.htm

Enjoy!!

updating?
hey yall, yeah im updating. aint got much else to do, been lyin in bed fer like two days now. at first the drugs didnt make me feel that weird, but by now they definitly are. oh damn. fer those who dont know i gotshoulder surgery thursday. apparently i really needed it to. it was as if i had severly dislocated ny shoulder damage wise. they had to put my labbrum back in place and tighten it up. bout an hour and a halfsurgery. pretty nuts.

anyway, all this down time has allowed me to reflect on a few things, most notably my political views. as most of you know i am a pretty hardcore conservative (the 20 ann coulter posters adorning my room and my copy of her alleged porno are good indicators of this) but i recently saw farenhiet 9/11 because i lost a bet (who knew that sean hannity didnt go graduate college?) and boy did it make me think of a few things.

first of all, i cant believe hollywood would allow this film to be shown. it is, without a doubt undermining our war effort. in world war 2 we didnt have this unbelievably anti-american sentiment, is it any surprise that we won that was and lost vietnam? for reasons i dont understand, liberals hate freedom and democracy and i think that unless they dont shut up and stop critisising the war we have to make them shut up.

back in the time of wrld war 1 there was a little somthing passed called the alien and sedition acts. the alien part is none of our concern,, hating immigrants iis a topicfor another time, butt wat this did was made it illegal to publically critisize the government during that time of great international turmoil. i think that, in order to preserve our great democracy based on our constitution as well as acheive our ggoals of spreading freedom and democracy overseas, we must pass similar legislation now. we cant afford to lose this war and we cant afford to lose george bush as our fearless leader.

alright the drugs are makin me woozy so thts all for now. hope everyone is doin good without me.

Its Been a long time
God, its been a while since i updated. Life has just been moving so fast lately and I cant keep up. So, hmm, I GRADUATED, oh yeah! High school is over. It's strange, like, on one hand I'm really glad it's over, but on the other I'm sad that I am leaving, I wonder if other people feel that way too. All i know is I am stoked for college, im gonna freaking party everyday. God, im so sick of classes, I really just wanna get on livin, ya know? college is gonna be so fun.
Speaking of drinking, Ive been drunk like every night fer the last 2 weeks, its unsane. usually im pretty good about it, but last night, wow, i was gone, i dont remember anything but supposedly there was some sort of episode involving me, baxt, a dictionary and urine.

Crap i gotta go get wasted before its too late, ill continue later.

I'm updatin
Hey everyone, first i just wanna say, im sick and tired of everyone saying stuff behind my back about me, it's really fucking getting to me. if you wanna say something, do it to my face. god, i didnt live 18 years without learning a little something about haters (u know who you are).
any ways, fer lisl.

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.
Ask me anything you want!
Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything

Current Mood: sore
Current Music: Will it all go? - Southern Circles

....and he was born again of the ashes of his forfathers
HEYA YALL, sorry I been so long, things have been really busy for me lately. I guess a quick little update is in order. Uh, I'm in college - w00t, I went to monterey with the ocean sci class. Awesome trip, seriosly though, it makes me think of how glad I will be to leave in a few months. There are just some people I cant fucking stand (the meanys? god damn i wanna fucking shoot them). But other than that it was cool. AsB ball was last friday, that was a hoot. we went out to a nice dinner at some place i cant spell and went to the dance. Gosh though, im really embarrased when I see how some of my peers act... really guys, you dont need alcohol to have a good time, or risque dancing. anyways, the dance was fun, my date was lovely (I hope she will forgive me, though, for some... misinterpretations... on my part... I really hope we can still be freinds).
School is a total joke right now, i have like C's in most of my classes. uh what else, oh vaulting is goin good, check this out http://www.dyestatcal.com/results/trk2004/March/20Sweetw/Summary.htm
Show all your freinds!
oh and dont even get me started on colleges, oh my god, im so nervous...

alright thats all for now, cya

Current Mood: touched
Current Music: Tomorrow will be better - Ripe Cherry

The Passion of the Criste
I havent updated in a while,. So i figured i'd wiegh in on this whole secular vs moral debate. O'rielly loves to talk about this, how the left wing nutsos are trying to strip this nation of its christian morals, values, and traditions, the very back bone this nation was founded on. The secularists can't stand to see a cross, or freely allow americans to pray. When will they learn to allow jesus into there hearts?

So it brings me to this constitutional amendment issue. Marriage is one of the founding principles our society is based on. Nowhere in the bible does it mention anything about a gay relationship being ok, quite the opposite in fact. It is sinful and wrong and it is within the power of the federal government to do something so i think they most definitly should. How long must we allow the constitution to be an agent for these radical librals with which they destroy the very fabric of our civilization?? I say we must rise abouve this, and allow christianity into our government. The constitution was written with the spirit of jesus, now, finally may we begin to incorporate his teaching into all of out lives.

Yeah I aint updated in a while
Yeah I aint updated in a while, i know, i been busy. too busy for you. Uh, lets see, I got my national merit thing, I didnt win, runner up though and i get a free trip to mazatlan so thats cool. I been doin a lot of NOSB, dont tell lease, but like, I dotn know anything. Eh, Im thinking of quiting my band and doin a more jazzy experimental sorta thing, songs are such a dead scene. Well, since people are doing it, i guess i will too
Things that make me happy:
Looking into someones eyes when theyre not looking
Eating
Drinking
Sleeping
Crying just to feel myself feeling feelings
Leading on girls
Leading on men
Leading on animals
Asking dumb questions
Understanding things
Headbanging
Driving down torrypines and looking at starbucks
Not doing homework
Knowing Im always right
Not wearing underwear
Talking about people I hate behind theyr backs
Telling people your deepest secrets i promised i wouldnt tell anyone and laughing about it
Talking to fish
Staring at nudibranchs
Thinking Im original.

I wish I was happyer more often, just, sometimes, things just dont seem worth it....

2nd semester
Hey y'all, sorry I haven't updated in a while, it's entirely my fault not you, really, dont think it is, hope you'll forgive me, i've been busy, and, well, ya know, i mean... ahh, ill try to be better. So anyway, 2nd semester is over, thankgod, didnt that suck ass? Yes, yes it did. I ended up with alright grades i guess. Probably coulda done better. Eh, Sey La Vee. Oh man, band practice on saturday fucking rocked, we got shit done. Don't say anything, but im pretty sure im gonna kick Bxt outa the band. That guys a fuckng stoner and its starting to really effect his performance and commitment to the band.
Also, I know i dont normally get political, but this Howard Dean character is really tickin me off lately. I mean he says the worst things. "If I was president I would make sure Osama Bin Laden had a fair trial." Jesus, what is he thinking? Of course he shouldn't get a fair trial, hes a murderer and theres no way fair trial could ever find him guilty and punish him. No, we definitly will need to bias the trial against him in order to win.
Alright, thats all for now, tilll next time yo.

Poetry
I composed this poem today, i dont know, i was just inspired and thought i should write one:

Oh, Day, How light of sun,
Yet how dark of earth,
Shant one less gone mean one more gained
Alas, so it not is
For Gone as wind, blown we shall become
It is a fleeting moment that wich goes by so fast
For we should stop, nay, look, nay all
What is life but a treasure trove to behold
and what am i if not a man in seach of humble riches.

finals week, man, hope i dont fuck up. art history blew. I copied the whole thing and still got a B-, means ill be gettin a C unless my flirting with mz g got me anywhere. ug, life gives ya lemons, i try to make lemonade and just get squirted in the eye. Been thinking about ASB ball, well i didn't mean too, just got mentioned, little early, but still, gonna need a tux, damn, oh and a date. hmm. maybe a lass who gets my poetry, i think im ready for a girl who i can really talk to about intelectuale things. I think alot after all. aight, till later, next time.

Ahh weekend
Its the weekend than god. so lisl an katie had this true confessions thing, i figure ill do it too.
1) I lie to everyone all the time to impress them
2) I actually fucking hate the ocean, i just figured i needed something to hold over others
3) I'm deathly afraid of cooties
4) I probably listen to more rap than any other form of music
5) My hair turned blonde about 2 years ago and I dye it now because im afraid its what people expect of me, if im not big red who am I?
6) Ever since i met her i've wanted to put another "i" in lisl's name
7) I type poorly to fit in and be cool online
8) I constantly find myslef agreeing with Sean Hannity
9) I've always wanted to act in a play
10) Sometimes I think i'm too honest

Thats enough for right now. Later yall.
What are your True Confessions?

Current Music: Girl dumb - You Best Freind Sucks

So i was all and shit
Oh man, so i just got back from seein mandy, it was kinda weird. I didnt know it was such big deal at other schools... but shes kinda into drugs. like majorly. I aint talkin pot... She offered, i said no (just say no kids) and then the whole thing was a little awkward from that point on. It got a bit better towards the end and we talked about stuff. I told her about my little dui thing and she was like "Oh its so not a big deal, i'm the only one of my freinds who hasn't gotten one." So yeah, shes pretty cool. anyway. Schools been pretty lame lately, i have c's in like two classes. sorta worried colleges will see it... eh, im sure they dont care. anyways, three day weekend, whooo! cant wait, lllooooooong week. eh, thats all for now, laters.

FUCK YOU MS. VISCONTI
jesus, had to sit in english writing this stupid hamlet essay that I wasnt ready for, fuck. She wante dus to pick a passage and write an essay TOMORROW, but then she has us write a rough today for whole period. I hadn't picked a passage, hell im half way through the CLIFF'S NOTES! jesus, fuck man. I cant wait till school is done and I can just party in college. speaking of wich, final apps due 15th, almost done man. Started vaultin today, fuckin shoulder... seriosly im worried bout it especailly if its like this early in the season. oh well, fearless right?air bands gonna be pretty sick i think, doin some rock from way back, good times. aight, notin big for now, gonna call mandaaaie. cya yall.

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